Tuesday, September 26, 2006

Banking

Jamie's salary is paid into an account at the same bank as his company bank account. For this account, we have been issued with a single debit/cash card. Cheque books are seemingly impossible to come by and presumably, wives don't often get to share bank accounts with their husbands (or, alternatively, they don't let their husbands have access to their accounts) so a single card it is.

Jamie then instructed his PA to apply for credit cards. Two shiny gold cards duly arrived. Strangely, however, we have been unable to use them. Jamie checked and re-checked the pin number but nothing doing. Eventually, as I have the single (working) cash card, Jamie went into the bank to find out what was wrong. "This credit card isn't issued by this bank". "Well, can I have one that is?" "No, we don't do credit cards". Of course not, they're a bank, why would they do credit cards? Jamie tried his luck at the bank which issued the credit cards. "I can't use this card". "That's because you don't have any money in the account". "But it's a credit card, I don't need money on account". "Yes, but we can only issue credit if we know you can pay". It's not bad logic for a bank but very unhelpful for us. Back to the original bank. "Can I transfer money to my other account with the other bank?" "No, you can't do that". "Well, how do I get funds into the other account?" "You can withdraw money from this account and carry it accross the street to your other bank". Again, you can't argue with the logic. Jamie wearily withdrew a largeish sum which the cashier attempted to put into a clear plastic bag. That you can argue with.

Cash is king in China. Everywhere you go where payment is extracted has a note counting machine as the largest denomination is a note equivalent to £7.50. To pay Eliot's school fees, I have to visit cash machines for a period of 5 days (maximum withdrawal on any day is limited) and then carry brick loads of cash to his school.

Today, I had to pay the new gardener who is about to re-vitalise our garden. I went to no less than six cash machines spending a total of one hour trying to withdraw £200. In the end, I had to resort to using our English account. Some cash machines only take foreign cards, most only take Chinese cards. Perhaps because there is a national holiday coming up, every Chinese card taking ATM was clean out of cash. Fuming, steam pouring from my ears, I was cursing China - stupid, backward place, novelty totally wearing off.

Five minutes later, I was walking across the local park and saw a group of women having a tap dancing lesson. China suddenly seemed more likeable and my sense of humour was restored.

A post script to last week's blog. I saw the following sign in a car - absolutely no hint of irony. Instead of saying 'baby on board' the car carried a yellow sign with a picture of a baby and the legend "Baby on Road".

Sunday, September 17, 2006

And the winner is.....

My return to Shanghai after a lovely month in the UK and France has prompted me to view the city with fresh eyes and I feel moved to announce the first 'Shanghai Absurdity Awards'. The categories and winners are announced below:

Award for the most useless street stall:
Winner: the lady who stands on the corner of Urumuqi Lu selling a single food protector dome net thing to keep the flies off food. She only has the one - there is no stock. It may be that she is content to sell one a day and replace her stock on a daily basis but I suspect she has yet to make her first sale.

Runner up: the lady I spotted at the end of our lane selling 10 inch long sections of white plastic tubing.

Award for the most unfortunate shop name:
Winner: the clothes shop on Julu Lu called 'Embellism by Clara'

Award for the most annoying remark by an expat:
Winner: the 20 something, blonde, very English girl working for a relocation company who told a bunch of expat women: "I don't consider myself to be an expat - I choose to be here". Yes of course, the rest of us have been abducted by our husbands and had their passports confiscated. Sorry love, you're blonde, white, English and most definitely an expat.

Award for the most pointless rip off:
Winner: the hole-in-the-wall hairdresser around the corner which recently stuck on it's front door the 'Toni and Guy' logo. Who are they kidding? They could at least have tried to get the bubbles out from under the plastic.

Award for the most incongruous smell:
Winner: the smell of roasting chestnuts when the temperature is in the 30s. Of course, it's September, it must be winter!