Celebrity Baby

In Shanghai, Toby has achieved the kind of celebrity status he could only dream of when competing with the glitterati of Primrose Hill. Cries of "bebby, bebby" follow him wherever he goes. As the imperial chariot makes its way through the streets, the crowds part to let him through (sometimes) and the indignation at having to move gives way to wonder when the realisation that a foreign baby is among them dawns.

Toby smiles graciously at the adoring public (fortunately, he is a very smiley baby) and I maintain a frozen grin on my face as people lean forwards to prod him. 'Can these thighs be so large? Can his face really be so white? Are his eyes really so blue' and no doubt 'is his nose really that big?'. Toby is poked and stroked on all available bits of flesh, but I have to face tirades from old ladies who are appalled that he is not wearing socks. "But it's 30 degrees and he's hot", I attempt to communicate as Toby sits in the pushchair with sweat pouring down his face.

When I take the boys out in the double buggy, people only realise that it contains two children as I go past them. "Wah, lianger" ("wow, two of them") say the amazed public pointing as if to let me know. I am tempted to stop and feign amazement - "really, two of them? Oh my God, how did that happen?".